Redneck Speeder

As the needle hit 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch my rig" he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100.... then the reality of the situation hit him.

"What the hell am I doing?  Don't got no moonshine this time." he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined both it and the car. The cop says, "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The redneck thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you was tryin' to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend" said the officer...