Airline Attendants 2

Occasionally, airline attendants make in-flight safety lectures and other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some actual examples:

Pilot -  "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now,  so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

Then, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.   We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the  cabin during taxiing.  Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft  comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said,  "We've reached our cruising altitude now,  and I'm turning off the seat belt sign.   I'm switching to auto-pilot, too,  so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

"Should the cabin lose pressure,  oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants."

Following a long pause:  "Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message:   "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of  them are on this flight...!"