Flight Attendants - Airline Jokes

Airline Attendants 1

Occasionally, airline attendants make in-flight safety lectures and other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some actual examples:

As the plane was coming to a stop at Washington National,  a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker:  "Whoa, big fella - WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing at Memphis:  "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell, everything has shifted."

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY.   To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,  oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.

"If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.   Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines!"

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation,  and in the event of an emergency water landing,   please take them with our compliments."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight;  if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited.  Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."